i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
