my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
