Will you blow on my dice?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
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