i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
