Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
True strength comes from lack of pants
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
