the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
