I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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