and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
