That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
