You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
