oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
