I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
