My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize