Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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