Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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