my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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