you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
