Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
