"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
