billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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