i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
