just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
