I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
