I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
