How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
