she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
