Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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