Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
