I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
