I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
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