I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
