The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
