I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
