3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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