I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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