how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
