Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
