____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
