my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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