I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
How's work?
Spinning.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
