I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Randomize
