We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I came so hard my ears popped.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
