at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
