when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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