Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
