I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
In America we eat man semen.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
