He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
