So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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