I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
i love accidental penises.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
