Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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