Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
