Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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