he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
