he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
