I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
