found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
