I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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