you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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