My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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