so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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