I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
