definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
