No, drunk sperm still make babies.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
