I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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