hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
