sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
We don't watch enough power rangers
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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