Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
