after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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