you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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