You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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