It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
