So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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