He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
