bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
