I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
