I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
