Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Such a big mess for such a small penis
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
