i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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