just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
